True Love Means Making Each Other Feel Seen

Currently: Sitting on a plush cushion in my teepee and writing this post on my old Macbook Air. Soothing music plays softly in my earbuds. This gives me a buzz like a glass of red wine. Relaxed. Limitless. It’s all good.

It’s a sunny California summer day. A soft breeze picks up the scent of the fresh lavender growing next to my teepee. Hummingbirds dance around the orange tree just a few yards in front of me.

I’m in my happy place.

For my 27th birthday, Matt bought me this teepee. It took us a couple tries, but together, we got it set up just how we wanted it in our backyard. After it was standing, we ran down the driveway together to get a view of our backyard from the street.

Sure enough, you can see my teepee from the road. I jumped up and down like a little kid. Matt grinned. Who else just has a full sized teepee in their backyard?!

My teepee is my zen space. I come out here every single morning, often before the sun has risen, to meditate and write in my journal.

In my zen teepee the rules are as follows:

No social media. No negativity. No shoes.

Do Your Thing!

I was first introduced to meditation a few years ago, and then like, really got into it this past year. At first I felt kind of embarrassed about my meditation practice. I thought people would think I was weird for it. I only talked about it openly with friends who I knew would be into it.

As time has passed, it’s no longer something I hide or feel shy about. I’ve learned people are actually more curious about it than judgmental. Plus, it’s hard to hide something when it’s such an important part of your life.

Stay tuned, I’ll be sharing an in-depth post about meditation in the near future!

Matt, on the other hand, isn’t a meditator. At least not in the traditional, seated way. Playing golf, gardening, and paddle boarding are meditative to him. I notice how happy he is when he’s doing more of those things. And I can totally understand because that’s how I feel when I’m regularly meditating, doing yoga, writing.

For us, these are our own unique ways of reaching a state of flow. That state where you’re just completely immersed in what’s happening in the present moment. When you’re in that state, hours pass in what feels like minutes.

I shared about this a few months back in a post about complementary relationships, but I used to try to get Matt to be into in all the things I was into. I knew other couples practiced yoga together and meditated together. Are we doing it wrong? Shouldn’t we be doing all of those things together?

The answer, for us, is no. We don’t have to like or do all of the same things to have a strong relationship. Our strength actually comes from our different interests because we’re able to learn from one another. We round each other out.

Support the People You Love

As I became more comfortable in sharing about my meditation practice, I one day told Matt I’d love it if I had my own zen room in the house. I partially thought maybe he’d think that was weird or unnecessary. Up until this point, I usually just meditated on the living room couch before he woke up.

Instead of being weirded out, his immediate reaction was, “What if you had a zen teepee? In the backyard? That would be pretty cool!”

I was so touched that he took my little idea to heart. He pulled that idea out of his head so quickly, I almost wondered if he’d been thinking about it already. But then again, that’s Matt. He’s quick on his feet.

Months passed and I eventually forgot about the teepee. I’d thought it was an amazing idea but it wasn’t necessarily cheap to get a durable outdoor teepee.

When he surprised me with a 7 foot teepee on my birthday, I was absolutely giddy. I couldn’t wait to spend days reading and meditating in my new teepee. I couldn’t get to HomeGoods fast enough to start buying decor for it.

More than anything, though, I couldn’t get over how completely seen I felt. I felt accepted for being who I am and there’s kind of nothing better than feeling truly seen and accepted by the person you love the most.

Especially because he easily could’ve rolled his eyes at my zen den idea. If that were the case, I would’ve retreated further into being secretive about my meditation practice. I would’ve felt embarrassed for being myself.

How many times have you dismissed something your significant other is into? I know I’m guilty of it.

The first night we had the teepee all set up with cushions and blankets, Matt suggested we lay out there and listen to the wildlife. For a couple hours, we sipped wine, listened to the sounds of the canyon and watched one of our favorite shows – Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives.

As we watched Guy Fieri bite into massive burgers and chicken wings, I again, just felt so happy and so seen. We were combining our two worlds into one and no, it didn’t look like us going on meditation retreats together or practicing yoga every morning. It’s even better.

How can you make your loved ones feel seen? Their interests important to you?

I feel like so often we’re thinking, what’s in it for me? What if the only thing that’s “in it for you” is making the person you love feel seen and appreciated? Giving selflessly, truly appreciating someone for who they are, is one of the greatest gifts you can give and one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

With love,

Alissa