Ask For What You Need. Don’t Apologize.

Late Sunday afternoon, I shuffled into the kitchen carrying a cardboard box filled with wine. Three bags of leftover food, decorations, and paper plates dangled heavily on my arms.

This was my fourth trip in and out of the house. All I could think was, I can’t wait to lay down and take a nap.

The long-anticipated weekend of the Boyer Invitational was now behind us. Nights with five hours of sleep; days in the desert sun; hours of hosting, organizing, and planning; many cocktails consumed; a two hour drive from Palm Springs; all behind us now.

I was actually amazed at how I held it together all weekend on such little sleep. I’m the type to fall apart if I get less than seven hours of sleep. I usually snap like a twig. I must’ve been running on adrenaline because I never let myself go there. There was no time to be tired. There were friends to host, things to do, fun to be had.

It wasn’t until the drive home from Palm Springs that I began to fight some heavy eyelids. I always feel guilty sleeping when Matt’s driving because I know he’s probably exhausted, too.

After quickly unloading the truck, leaving the dining room table in disarray with colorful shot glasses, half eaten loaves of bread, and leftover can koozies, I threw on the sweatshirt and sweatpants I’d been dreaming of since noon.

Finally, the nap I’d been looking forward to all day. I couldn’t lay down fast enough. My eyeballs were burning and begging for rest.

I let myself nap for three hours and woke up at 7 pm to unpack. I had to get organized or else I’d feel terrible starting my Monday with all of those bags and boxes still scattered around the house.

In typical Alissa fashion, I put everything away that night. I unpacked my whole suitcase. I’m annoying like that. It can never wait.

Mind you, I was still in bed by 9 pm, alarm set for 5 am – fully prepared to get back into the week in my normal fashion.

No days off.

5 am came a little too quickly. I stumbled out to the living room couch and immediately lay back down, setting my alarm for 25 minutes.

Meow! Meow! MEOWWWWW!

What do you need, Katin?! I jerked awake. 6:50 am, my phone read.

Crap! I looked at my alarm and saw I never pressed “start”.

I cannot go to work today, I thought.

No no, you have to go to work. You already took Friday off. And a half day on Thursday. You can’t just last minute take Monday off, that’ll look so bad.

The question bounced back and forth in my head. Should I stay or should I go?

(Did anyone else think of that song by The Clash?)

Anyway, I do what any self-respecting person does when they’re in the middle of a decision; I scroll on Instagram. Divine timing, I pass an illustration by Martina Martian that says “Ask for what you need. Don’t apologize.”

That’s it! I’m staying home. What I need is rest. I’m a hard worker, I don’t take advantage, I’m not going to apologize. I’m taking the day off.

And guess what? My boss was okay with it! I didn’t make up some excuse that I was sick or my car broke down. I was like “hey, I really need a personal day” and she was like “great, see you tomorrow!”

How to Choose Rest

Take a day off.

My day of rest was pure heaven. I went back to sleep until 9:30 am. I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept in past 8 am.

I made bulletproof coffee and enjoyed it in a mug instead of to go in a thermos.

I read, I wrote, I watched Netflix without working on something else simultaneously. I stayed in my pajamas the entire day.

As I lay under a blanket, wearing my cozy sweatshirt, a bag of Siete tortilla chips and a bowl of Trader Joe’s salsa balanced on my lap, I was happy. I was fully relaxed. I needed this day.

Ask for what you need. Don’t apologize.

Listen to your body.

I was in the pool this past weekend, talking to my yogi friend about how exhausted I’ve been. I told her about the breakouts I’ve been getting on my face and arms; how my neck has been chronically inflamed.

If you’re familiar with Ayurveda (more on this topic another time), she told me I was imbalanced in my Pitta dosha. Simply put, I had too much extra fiery energy in my body. I was leaning too heavily on the part of me that’s very driven, go-go-go, let’s get shit done, there’s no time to waste. All that extra fiery energy in the body manifests in skin breakouts, heartburn, burning eyes, etc.

My body was craving rest and grounding. I hadn’t been taking enough time to let myself just be. And I mean, how could I have pulled this weekend off if I hadn’t been a little fiery about it? My friend was like, you should try to relax two days a week and not do anything. No blogging, nothing. Just relax.

With her message in my head and “Ask for what you need. Don’t apologize.”, I knew taking care of myself right now meant rest. No more pushing through.

Slow down.

On Wednesdays at the office, we have a bootcamp work out class during lunch. I almost always go. Due to habit, I’d already packed my gym bag the night before, but was feeling resistance toward going.

Not the typical, ugh I don’t want to work out today but I know I need to, resistance. The type of resistance where my body is saying no. You said rest, why are we going to lift weights?! I need rest in all ways this week. I need more yoga, journaling, meditation, quiet time.

No bootcamp for me. As an introvert after a busy weekend, I’ve been craving alone time. I took a solo lunch instead of exercising and it was the most loving choice I could’ve made for myself.

Sleep

Sleep is a high priority this week. I’m trying to get plenty. Matt is dealing with a bad hip right now, so sleeping through the night has been difficult for him. I love him to death, but being woken up in the middle of the night to him moving around does not make for a good night’s rest.

So, I’ve opted to sleep in our guest room the past couple nights to ensure a good night of sleep. And when I have the night to myself in the guest room, I make it a soothing environment for myself. My own little sanctuary. I light my incense, journal, and do a wind down meditation before falling asleep. It’s amazing what a solid eight hours of sleep can do for a person.

And look, I’m no relationship expert, but I’m pretty sure sleeping well makes for two happier people. If that means sleeping in different rooms some nights, so be it!

Extra self-care.

I went to an infrared sauna for the first time last night. I won this gift card through work for $100 toward these sauna sessions. What better time to try it out than during my week of rest?

Usually on Wednesday nights, I try to get home as early as possible to put the finishing touches on my Thursday blog post. But like I said, I’m committed to resting this week instead of always indulging my driven side.

I knew I’d made a good choice when I walked into the studio and was met with the scent of eucalyptus and lavender. A sign reading “no phone zone” displayed on the front desk.

I spent 40 minutes in the sauna, no phone, no distractions. I was a refreshed woman when I emerged.

Allowing myself to slow down and rest has been essential to my well-being.

Of course, there are times in life when we have to be a little fiery and driven. When we’re working toward a goal, we have to be on.

But, when the craziness subsides, balance it out. Take the time to listen to your body. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Because what the world needs is you at your best.

What do you need? What can you ask for, without apologizing?

With love,

Alissa